Librarian and cardigan enthusiast without any actual cats. Enjoys short walks to the 7 Eleven and pictures of beaches on Instagram. Posts a lot of Captain Marvel, Teen Wolf, and lately, The X-Files, because my love for it will never die. Unhealthily obsessed with Dylan O'Brien's face.
Bitter old fandom queen and proud.
- When people stick their hands out, shake them, don’t break them.
- Hugs and you: what it means when somebody tries to hug you. This is a gesture of affection, not a mortal threat. Please stop choking people.
- Table manners. When somebody offers you food, you are not obliged to eat it. If you put food in your mouth that you do not like, do not immediately spit it out. It is perfectly acceptable to ask for saltines.
- Showering regularly: recommended.
- What to do with your downtime: develop a hobby. Yes, of course you can read the books in the house. Yes, of course if your best friend you don’t really remember from seventy years ago suggests that you read this Harlequin romance novel that was lying around (The Matador’s Maid) and continues to ply you with a constant stream of similar titles (The Mariner’s Mistress, The Whaler’s Wife, The Lumberjack’s Lover), it is more than acceptable to buy some for yourself. Amazon delivers. [The deliveryman is not a threat.]
- Socializing. It is impolite to throw people (say, Tony Stark) across large spaces (say, an aircraft hanger) even if they invade your personal space (say, by poking at your metal arm out of scientific curiosity). We suggest, instead, politely requesting that they not touch you without permission.
- Socializing, Part II. Thor and You. Thor takes hair care very seriously. It is best to accept whatever products he gives you. You can decide whether you want to use them later.
- Socializing, Part III. Friendship. We recommend making at least one friend (Steve does not count). Although gambling is not a social activity recommended for recovery, in this case, if Mr. Barton is willing to play cards with you, if you at least refrain from betting using deadly weapons, this may be considered acceptable. Clint has more than enough knives already.
- Sam Wilson. Sam Wilson is technically your landlord. Please stop glaring at him whenever he speaks to Steve.
- Media. Do not, for any reason, watch True Detective. This may at first seem like a good idea given your new-found love of Matthew McConaughey romantic comedies. It is not. Time is not a flat circle. Nobody is going to freeze you again. Yes, really. We promise.
- Natural Urges. We respect your privacy. There are materials in the bedroom that Sam wishes to never speak of again. If you were to ask someone for help (say, Steve) with this perfectly natural biological function, he would be more than willing to lend you a hand. Please see for reference: The Captain and the Cabin Boy, which he gave you last week.
- Steve. It is perfectly all right to ignore Steve if he is staring at you. We most certainly do. That being said, we are all very, very tired of listening to him talk about you for hours and hours on end. Please do something about this. Simply see for reference: The Captain and the Cabin Boy.
- Seriously, read the fucking book.
"They just stay at sea forever. What kind of ending is that?"
Steve pauses, garbage bag in one hand and recycling in the other. He does his best to be a good tenant, if only because Bucky persists in glaring at Sam whenever his back is turned and has a tendency to rearrange the knives, and Steve kind of feels bad about that. He’d like them to be friends, but at this point, he’ll take a truce. “You read it, huh?”